


The Interspecies Breeding Paradox (ABANDONED)

by VincentMeoblinn



Series: Finish Me [21]
Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anthropomorphic, Crack, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Oral Sex, Smut, Tentacle Sex, Tentacles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-02-27 18:05:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2702243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VincentMeoblinn/pseuds/VincentMeoblinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Our favourite geeky group lives under da sea, and to add to the fun Leonard the Octopus is looking to mate… with Sheldon the Shark! Howard is being his usual Dolphin slut self, but Raj wants to get him to settle down in a nice bit of anemone and make some little pink anemone fish/dolphin babies with him. (Mostly crack and smut, rated higher for the tentacles stuff cause it gets a bit rough.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I play fast and loose with biology and logic here, but c’mon you know you want to read it. For instance while I use the term hectocotylus, Leonard’s ‘mating arm’ is below his navel instead of amongst his other tentacles. Also everyone is a hermaphroditic but clownfish don’t change to female.

I play fast and loose with biology and logic here, but c’mon you know you want to read it. For instance while I use the term hectocotylus, Leonard’s ‘mating arm’ is below his navel instead of amongst his other tentacles. Also everyone is a hermaphroditic but clownfish don’t change to female.

 

“Move it, cuttlefish!” An angry stingray passenger snarled, shoving at Leonard and nearly dislodging him from his spot on the back of the blue whale.

“Hey!” Leonard stammered, grabbing onto Sheldon with two tentacles to keep himself from sliding despite the fact he still had a good grip on a barnacle with a third, “Wait for the whale to come to a full and complete stop before disembarking! A-and I’m an octopus, not a cuttlefish!”

“You’re wasting your time,” Sheldon replied, not helping Leonard reorient himself. Since Sheldon only had two arms he wasn’t about to let go to help his best friend out, “He’s clearly using that term in a derogatory fashion to refer to the fact your tentacles are shorter than the average cephalopod.”

“Yeah, I know,” Leonard sulked, “I just… I had to say _something_.”

Leonard removed his arms slowly from Sheldon’s body, knowing full well he’d get pissy soon but not wanting to let him go. He had no idea what attracted him to the snappy shark, but he was undeniably interested in mating with him and had a great deal of difficulty controlling his instinctive colour changing around him. He couldn’t _flirt_ with Sheldon. It just wasn’t _right_ ; and it was probably somewhere in the reefmate agreement, too. Sheldon was rather intense when it came to enforcing the reefmate agreement. His decision to share his hunting area with another predator hadn’t come lightly. If it weren’t for the fact that a lone dolphin had been muscling into his territory he never would have allowed it at all, and Leonard knew full well that the part of the reef they called theirs was damn fine and worth fighting over. As it turned out the dolphin had become their friend, but Leonard had stayed on long after any sane person would leave. The reason was obvious to anyone who watched him flicker through appealing colours while Sheldon bragged about his studies on thermodynamics and water currents.

Leonard also worked in thermodynamics, but their other friends were in completely different fields at Cal-Current. Raj was a pink anemone fish working in astro-navigation and Howard- the lone dolphin who had ticked off Sheldon years before- was in ship mechanics dealing with the plague that was fishing ships in the pacific. Their friendship was loosely based on Leonard but now mostly revolved around placating the toothsome Sheldon.

Finally they reached their destination and Sheldon slipped into their research area, a grove in the seabed that had superior current movement. They moved down to their various sections with a bit of chatter and a quick gulp of some kelp to keep their energy up.

“I’ve got some great results on drag coefficient from last nights test,” Sheldon chirped cheerfully.

Leonard tried not to sigh like a giddy fool, “Yeah, me too. I’ll be presenting my findings to _Howard_ of all people. I think he can use it to generate more efficient energy.”

“You’re always so focused on _physical_ results,” Sheldon replied, “Where’s the intellectual pursuit? The thrill of discovery?”

“I’m thrilled,” Leonard muttered, “I’m pursuing.”

“Don’t think I haven’t seen those little colour displays you’ve been putting on,” Sheldon scoffed.

“I… I can explain…” Leonard stammered.

“The only thing _you’re_ pursuing lately is the next wriggly tentacle,” Sheldon gave him a scathing look, “Get your head in the _game_ Leonard. Biological imperative isn’t the end game here. Science is.”

“You’re right,” Leonard sighed sadly, “I’ll try to focus more.”

“That’s all I ask,” Sheldon nodded.

Leonard spent the next hour admiring Sheldon’s physique discreetly. He looked almost like a human on his top half with the exception of his finned ears. The lower half of him was a shark’s tail, smooth and beautiful with his claspers on full display for any to stare at with longing. Leonard often fantasized about taking them both into his body at once. He was sure he could handle them with the right amount of preparation. He could take two of his own tentacles while masturbating and that couldn’t be too different.

Leonard sighed, staring down at his hands and far too-short tentacles. He was similar to Sheldon in basic layout but his torso was a light tan rather than the pale of Sheldon’s gorgeous skin. His ears were also nonexistent, just little holes beneath his mop of wild hair that almost resembled a second set of tentacles. His eight ‘arms’ beneath his belly button were brown when resting and could change colour and pattern based on his mood and surroundings.

“That ray was right. I _do_ look like a cuttlefish.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Leonard,” Sheldon scoffed, “Cuttlefish have completely different torsos.”

That brought Leonard’s eyes back to Sheldon’s torso again, and he couldn’t help but notice a bit of swelling in his clasper. Leonard’s eyes widened in alarm and he spoke before his brain could tell his mouth to shut the hell up.

“Uh, Sheldon? You feeling okay?”

“Hm?” Sheldon glanced up from his slate where he was scratching some equations and followed Leonard’s wide eyes, “Oh that. Did you think _you_ were the only one subjected to the perils of mating season? Don’t worry, Leonard I’ve developed a full-proof method of dealing with it.”

“And that would be?” Leonard asked, his colours rapidly cycling in the hopes of catching Sheldon’s eye. It was glued to the slate.

“Ignore it.”

“Just… ignore it?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you… I don’t know… deal with it sometimes?”

“Are you asking if I _masturbate?_ ” Sheldon asked in surprise.

“Well…”

“Of _course_ I do, I _am_ a living being. For pities sake, do I masturbate! And you call yourself a scientist! It’s simply more efficient to release semen on a regular basis rather than allow it to build up until the impeding release impairs sleep. Not to mention the mess it makes should I produce a nocturnal emission. For your information I have a set masturbatory schedule in place.”

“Set?”

“Yes.”

“Doesn’t that get… boring?”

“Why would it? I masturbate every Thursday. It allows me to start my weekend off with a bang,” Sheldon snickered at his joke and Leonard tried to hide his throbbing arousal as his hectocotyli shivered in desire.

“Wouldn’t it be more… productive… with the addition of another variable?” Leonard tried.

“What sort of variable? _Naughty_ toys?” Sheldon looked scandalized.

“Well… there’s that… or… you know… another mer.”

“Why would I want to muddy the waters with another _mer_?” Sheldon replied with a note of disgust, “That’s just crazy talk.”

“Yeah,” Leonard sighed.

“How is your acquisition of Penny going?” Sheldon asked.

Penny was a classic mermaid with sage green skin, blonde hair, and beautiful turquoise eyes. Leonard had been with her on and off for a bit until Penny had opened his eyes to his crush on Sheldon. Since then they’d been close friends, Leonard regularly weeping on her tail after he and Sheldon had their regular fights.

“I’m going a different direction this season,” Leonard replied hesitantly, “Penny and I were discussing me finding someone to actually breed with rather than just have sex. I’d like to pass on my intellect and… well…”

“Oh, I agree. Penny is a _terrible_ choice for actual reproduction, although I still feel disdain for your penchant for recreational sex.”

“Right,” Leonard nodded, “I… I was thinking another predator like myself.”

“Mm,” Sheldon replied, looking more distracted by the moment, “Just remember the reefmate agreement. No predators in my reef.”

“ _Our_ reef, and I wasn’t going to bring back someone you don’t know.”

“ _My_ reef, and I’m fine with you bedding Raj or Howard, just be sure to gag Howard. His clicking and squealing was annoying enough from across the hall when he managed to bed the Whore of Omaha.”

“I’m not above stuffing a tentacle in someone’s mouth if I have to,” Leonard smirked, “How… how do you feel about stuff like that?”

“Hm?” Sheldon grunted.

“Have you ever been… gagged? Tied up? Maybe pinned down?”

“I’m a shark, Leonard. I don’t get pinned down and only a fool would stuff their tentacle in my mouth,” Sheldon gave Leonard a sharp-toothed grin and it went straight to his cotylus despite the fact it was a clear rejection.

“Oh, yeah,” Leonard laughed awkwardly.

_Strike One_

XXX

Raj flicked his fins in Howard’s direction and the engineer’s tail shivered in response. He dragged his eyes back to his work and Raj continued on to his own section with a light chuckle. Howard would hump anything on a regular basis, but during mating season his sex drive mysteriously went on hiatus. He claimed it was his inherent fear of reproducing that stopped him from craving sex during the season. Raj was fine with Howard getting off with everyone for the remainder of their lives, but he _did_ want to start a family and he wanted to start it with the mer he loved. So he was flirting shamelessly every time his perky dolphin-tailed friend was nearby.

The thing was, he knew full well that Howard wouldn’t give in, as he hadn’t in the seven years they’d known each other, but he wasn’t going to ease up. He’d always wanted a family and now that he was full of eggs and fertile he wanted his lover to father them before he laid a nest of hollow fish bait.

Sure enough, his constant fin flipping had caught the dolphin’s eye and he pulled Raj aside for a frantic snog. Raj’s black hair perfectly contrasted his orange body with flirty white stripes. His long tail was thin and shapely, well toned with regular exercise classes. Howard’s shaft had slid out of his mating slit and was leaking scent into the water around them. Raj flitted down, flirty as he stared up through his eyelashes at his heated lover. He knew in a minute he could bring him from bored to squealing in pleasure, but he had to draw it out or Howard would find a way to get out of penetrating him.

Howard giggled a bit hysterically, brushing curly hair away from his beautiful beaky nose. He was always a bit frenzied when sex was eminent. Raj lapped around the base of his cock, tongue flicking his sharply curved member as it moved up his body slowly. Howard keened a bit. Apparently it had been a while for him. Raj wasn’t surprised. The second he’d noticed Raj swimming a bit differently he’d backed away from all sex with him and quite possibly everyone else. Raj smiled as he moved up Howard’s body.

“You look ravishing tonight,” Raj purred.

“You look edible,” Howard growled. It was a common flirt for him. Raj was one of only two other herbivores in their school. Raj had found it racist at first, but now he was just heatedly aroused.

Raj flitted around to place his back against a rock and display his mating slit, the lips swollen with desire. He reached down to stroke them, knowing full well that Howard would dive straight in if given the chance. Spreading his lips allowed his own shaft to slide free, but Howard would happily ignore that in order to thrust into his slit beside his cock, reducing them both to quivering lumps of pleasure. _If_ Raj could get him to put out and put in at the same time.

“You’re trying to seduce me,” Howard groaned, reaching down to stroke himself. Raj knew for a fact he masturbated seven times a day.

“You’re trying to deny me your progeny,” Raj replied.

Big mistake.

Howard turned from his usual grey to white and fled him in a hurry. By the time Raj found him he was already panting out his release… into the water.

“Ohhh!” Raj groaned miserably, “ _I_ wanted that!”

“Hey, baby, I still have the energy for you,” Howard replied soothingly, pulling him against him.

Raj wanted to sulk, but one glance into those dark brown eyes and he was wriggling in his grasp. Howard brought him off easily, hand stroking his cock while his still-hard cock slipped in and out of his slick slit. Raj held out hope long past his shouted climax, but as usual Howard pulled out before climaxing a second time. Raj groaned in frustration, but long after their last parting kiss he continued to hope that some of the stubborn mer’s come had made it inside of his womb.


	2. Chapter 2

“So…” Leonard hesitated as they returned to their reef, “Back to our conversation from earlier…”

“Oh, must we?” Sheldon sighed, “You want to have sex with someone for actual mating purposes. I have no actual say or interest in your sex life. You will do whatever you want regardless of what I say and despite the fact my intellect is superior to yours. What else is there left to say?”

“I was wondering what you thought about me… you know… giving my mating arm to someone.”

“Someone intelligent? Or someone moronic and cute?” Sheldon wondered.

“Probably the most intelligent person I know,” Leonard replied, giving him a meaningful look.

Sheldon snickered at how ridiculous the idea of Leonard getting someone actually _intelligent_ to agree to reproduce with him. Leonard grinned broadly, apparently agreeing with his silent deduction.

“So…?” Leonard asked, smiling and waggling his eyebrows, “What do you think?”

“I think if you can get someone to accept your hectocotyli- regardless of whether or not you’re present for the act of coitus- that you should jump on it like a flying fish in heat.”

Leonard blushed and fidgeted awkwardly, “How should I… you know… how would you… I mean…”

“Are you struggling to ask me how to provide your intended with the object of your reproductive culpability?”

“Yes,” Leonard nodded eagerly.

“I suggest you package it for easy carrying and to cause less embarrassment should the object of your interest be uncomfortable with disembodied genitalia sitting out in the open.”

“That’s a good… idea…” Leonard stammered, “So… I’ll just… go and do my thing with the…”

“Leonard please,” Sheldon held up a hand, “I do _not_ need details. That horrible book you gave me was traumatic enough.”

“Right, of course. There’s just _one_ more thing.”

“Well hurry, Raj and Howard are on their way over and it usually takes you an average of sixteen minutes to reach culmination on your own.”

“Actually I can’t reach culmination, I just have to get most of the way… you know, never mind. My question is: what about the babies?”

“What about them?”

“I intend to raise them so…”

“What, here?” Sheldon stammered in horror, “Absolutely not!”

Leonard winced and Sheldon turned away to finish setting up for dinner, assuming his ridiculous idea to reproduce had passed like so much dairy in his digestive system. Leonard sulked for a bit until Raj and Howard showed up and then started a conversation with them in hushed tones. Sheldon focused on his board until a whale swam up to their little area.

“You called for take-out?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Leonard nodded, hurrying forward to pay the whale, “Thanks.”

The whale opened his mouth and the Sheldon, Leonard, and Howard bolted for their frantically swimming food. Raj collected his algae order from beneath the whale’s fin and sat down to munch on it happily while continuing the conversation they’d apparently been having.

“So where will you go?” Howard asked.

“I’m not sure yet,” Leonard replied, “I’ll have a bit of time to think it over. Gestation and all.”

“I’m surprised he agreed to this,” Howard mused, “Seeing as how he’s been going on for ages about…”

Howard was cut off by Sheldon turning to Leonard in alarm, “So you’re moving out?”

“Not until the babies are born, but yeah,” Leonard nodded.

“You’re really serious about this?” Sheldon blinked in surprise.

“I thought you understood that,” Leonard shifted miserably, “I just… I want this. I need this. I care about you, you know.”

“Which is why you should forgo this and stay as my reefmate,” Sheldon stammered in alarm, “Who will help me ride the whale to work? You know I can’t do that alone, they don’t like me!”

“Howard can help you,” Leonard replied.

“Hey, don’t just _nominate_ me!” Howard stammered.

“Sheldon, you can’t give me what I want. I need this,” Leonard replied, “Please, just don’t make it harder than it is. We’ll still see each other, we’ll still be friends.”

“Yes, but you won’t be taking me on the whale to work anymore!” Sheldon worried.

“Sheldon don’t make me beg,” Leonard pleaded, “You were fine with this an hour ago, I just got my hopes up.”

“I was fine with it when I thought it wouldn’t disrupt my life!”

“Okay, okay,” Leonard stammered, “I promise I’ll take you to work and back every day. Okay? Please?”

Sheldon paused for a moment and considered, “Very well.”

Leonard sighed in relief and they finished their meal with the conversation turned towards their respective work before it drifted off into an argument about their favourite games. Finally Howard and Raj left with a few winks in their direction.

“Sleep well, Sheldon,” Howard giggled, “You’ll be up _all night_ tomorrow!”

“Unlikely,” Sheldon replied, “Leonard has already expressed that he’ll be self-abusing his way to parenthood tonight. I’ve got my sound cancelling headphones so it won’t bother me no matter which night he does it.”

XXX

Leonard settled himself down in his little hole in the ground while Sheldon swam circles in his grotto while making small sleepy sounds. Leonard turned on his laptop and pulled up the pictures of Sheldon, all completely innocent of course. He didn’t need them to be naughty with Sheldon’s claspers visible in all of them. A picture of Sheldon at comicon wearing a Star Trek uniform was the only exception. He was just too damn hot with pointy ears glued on.

Leonard knew he had to get himself to the brink of orgasm before removing his hectocotyli. With part of his brain in each of his arms his mating arm would stay alive for a month or more, giving Sheldon plenty of time to use it to fertilize himself. He was heatedly aroused so he knew he’d be successful despite the anxiety curling in his belly due to the pain he’d experience when removing his hectocotyli.

Leonard slid three tentacles over his torso, tweaking his nipples and stroking along his hip while two held his laptop. One slid down to stroke the entrance beneath his torso provocatively while the final two engaged in a duel of sorts. The longer of these final two directly beneath his belly button was his hectocotyli, and while it appeared to be a normal octopus arm, the small bumps along it instead of suction cups were his semen sacks. Those bumps would swell when he was aroused to the point of orgasm and then explode, filling his partner with his seed… even if he wasn’t attached to it.

Leonard watched the shifting pictures. He’d arranged them into a slideshow that made it look like Sheldon was slowly swimming towards the screen before looping back to his comicon picture. The end result was that it looked like he shrugged off his costume and then swam towards Leonard for a good fast fuck.

“Oooh!” Leonard moaned out, shifting miserably as his tentacle pushed into his body. He wanted more. _So_ much more. He wanted his double-dicked reefmate to shove both claspers into his body and fuck him senseless. Just the thought of Sheldon doing so had Leonard close to culmination. He quickly let off the frantic stroking of his aroused cotly and gripped it firmly with three arms close to the base of his torso.

“Three… two…”

XXX

Sheldon was brought to consciousness not by Leonard’s scream of anguish but by the scent of his blood on the water. He removed his headset, shifted his gills about anxiously as he reminded his more base instincts that Leonard was _not_ food… not unless he was dead, then all bets were off.

“Leonard?” Sheldon asked, “Are you… foo… erm…I mean, alright?”

“I’m fine,” Leonard’s voice cracked, “Did you just ask if I’m food?”

“Well, if you were ever to die logic would dictate…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Leonard grumbled, “You’ve got first dibs on my carcass.”

Smiling contentedly, Sheldon put his headphones back on and swam about again until he was able to drift off to sleep once again. Come morning he was drawn once again to the scent of blood, but this time it was lingering around a seaflower box Leonard had placed outside of his nook. Sheldon swam over, noticed the scent was Leonard’s, and peeked inside.

“Good Lord!” Sheldon exclaimed, shutting it again. He paused to consider the circumstances and then decided the best approach was the direct one, “Leonard! If you leave your detached penis lying around I’m going to eat it!”

There was a moment of silence and then Leonard slipped out of his nook, “Literally? Or do you two want to be alone?”

  
Sheldon’s eyebrows furrowed, “Literally, obviously. Why would I want to be alone? We’re going to eat cereal on the mossy rock and watch Doctor Who. We always do that on Saturday… is this breakfast?”

“What? No!” Leonard snatched the box back.

“You’re still going to give it to some unsuspecting quote-unquote-genius, aren’t you?” Sheldon sighed, “Well I give you props on the box, it at least has some romantic undertones, but you’ll never be happy with this arrangement Leonard. Whoever it is obviously doesn’t care about you if they’re unwilling to mate with you outright, and you’re certainly getting the raw end of the deal by having to raise his or her offspring _alone_. Don’t expect _me_ to help watch the little vermin!”

Sheldon watched as a look of horror twisted Leonard’s face, “I thought… I mean I know you don’t really care about me but… This was… This was supposed to be for _you_.”

“Me?” Sheldon blinked, “I thought you _didn’t_ want me ea- oh! Oh dear. All that eyebrow waggling you were doing yesterday you thought.”

Leonard stared down at the box in his hands and Sheldon drifted away for a moment and then back as he tried to think of what to do.

“Do you want tea?” Sheldon asked.

“No, I want my penis reattached to my body and the last twenty-four hours erased from my memory,” Leonard muttered.

“Amy Farah-Fowler has a theory that might accomplish the second, but you’re on your own for the first,” Sheldon replied, “On the upside, she might be willing to help you with the first as well. She’s been hinting at me that she wants to breed recently.”

“Did you blow her off, too?” Leonard asked miserably.

“Of course,” Sheldon replied, “I can’t guarantee my offspring will inherit my intelligence. You know that.”

“Look,” Leonard sighed, “It’s already done and I’ve got this horrible urge to give it to you now so just… take it, okay? Keep it. Eat it. Use it. I don’t care. Just… I don’t want to see it again.”

“Well,” Sheldon considered, “All right, but only because you’re my best friend.”

“Thank you.”

“And you tacked ‘eat it’ on there.”

“Good,” Leonard muttered, “It should be nice and salty.”

“I imagine so,” Sheldon admired, staring into the box, “My what large semen sacks you have!”

With that he huffed out a laugh and swam off to store it for later. He didn’t eat octopus on Saturdays, only on Thursday. Besides, it would keep nicely. Leonard watched him store it away with a miserable look on his face and then went to fetch his breakfast. Sheldon chided him for starting with a cup of coffee and no food- he’d get a stomachache for sure- and then went about getting his favourite cereal together. They settled down just in time for Doctor Who and Sheldon quickly forgot about the arm.

XXX

_A/N I was having trouble moving Raj and Howard’s relationship along, so I switched it up. There will be some slight D/s stuff in this next scene. Nothing hardcore, just some bossy sex. ;)_

“Oh Howard,” Raj purred, flicking his tri-coloured tail, “How about we go out for lunch? Maybe some dancing?”

“The clubs aren’t open at noon,” Howard teased, smirking at his best friend and lover as he swam into his territory with a flirty smile on his face.

“I know that, but we could come back _here_ to dance.”

“With who? Each other?” Howard looked away awkwardly, uncomfortable with Raj’s interest now that mating season was on them, “My pod would laugh at us.”

“Let them laugh,” Howard replied, turning serious, “I love you, Howard. I don’t care about sharing you, I’m fine with that, but I _need_ you to be my mate.”

“Raj, we’ve been over this,” Howard sighed.

“Yes, and now we’re past discussing it!” Raj flicked his flowing tail and got up in Howard’s face, “I’m not going to wait for you forever, Howard!”

“Actually, you probably are. You find few other males attractive, you can’t talk to women _at all_ , and you’re hopelessly in love with me,” Howard pointed out unhelpfully before adding a saucy wink, “Not that I blame you.”

“Damn it Howard, don’t toy with my feelings!” Raj snarled, shoving at him angrily, “I’ve had it with your attitude! Just because you’re all _suave_ and have a huge _penis_ doesn’t mean you get to treat me like bait!”

“You’re not bait to me, honey, I love you! You know that!” Howard stammered as Raj backed him up against a nearby coral formation, “Come on, where’s that pretty smile?”

“Don’t treat me like a child!” Raj shouted, drawing a few glances from the startled pod members. They recognized the intruder to their territory as one of Howard’s lovers and dismissed him just as readily.

“Raj, you’re embarrassing me,” Howard stammered, eyes wide and chest heaving.

Raj couldn’t help but notice that Howard’s slick member was playing peekaboo down at his waist, the tip peaking out with each inward breathe. Howard was turned on by his bullying! Raj slammed his hand into the coral next to Howard’s head and he flushed as pink as the growth behind him.

“Next time you decide to make a _human_ out of me, maybe you should remember that I dance with poison every day,” Raj growled, then slammed their lips together hard enough to draw blood.

Howard moaned into the contact, hands flying up to tangle in Raj’s silky black hair. They tussled for a moment, Raj’s orange and black body pressing firmly against Howard’s pale flesh and sleek grey tail. His curved phallus was fully emerged now, thick and pulsing with desire. Raj pressed his body against him, sliding his wet entrance against his lover to tease him. The anemone fish’s thin membranes stroked along Howard’s sensitive underbelly, driving him wild until he was fighting for dominance in their dalliance. Raj wasn’t about to let him have it. Not this time. He bit Howard’s lip and they began to struggle between each other. Howard was viciously fighting back, his strong tail fully capable of beating Raj to a pulp, but he was also careful with him. Raj was used to Howard treating him like spun glass, but he was also used to fighting for what he loved. He took advantage of Howard’s careful mer-handling and turned their positions with a flick of his tail.

Raj’s tail moved in quick motions meant to draw the eye to his fin’s beautiful patterns, drawing a moan from Howard as the soft membranes stroked his face. They’d done this many times before, but never during mating season. Now Raj was pressing his own hard shaft against Howard’s swollen entrance while the larger phallus pressed greedily into his own. Howard’s hands came around his body, grasping his arse and pushing him hard against him. Then Howard entered Raj first, his cock so much longer than Raj’s, but there was no less satisfaction on his face when it came his turn to be penetrated. They undulated together, Howard plastered to the rock and whimpering as Raj had his way with him. Raj decided a bit of fun was in order and bit down on the side of Howard’s muscular tail. That did it. He came with a strangle scream and began to buck frantically. Raj saw stars as his pleasure centers were all stimulated at once by the horny dolphin. Howard was flailing, no sense of rhythm in his body as the mating urge took over in full. He wasn’t making love to Raj, or simply having sex, or even fooling around: he was _breeding_ him. Raj may have had the upper hand this time, but there was no doubt who the true bottom was. He was eagerly flexing his internal muscles around Howard’s cock as he tried to draw his lover to another climax. His fingers gripped his tail and his teeth dug in for another claiming mark, gnawing at his flesh until Howard was wild and screaming out his arousal. Raj hadn’t been paying attention to his own body despite the fact he was firmly encased in Howard’s grasping body, so he was completely taken by surprise when his own release pounded out of him. He moaned deeply, Howard’s entrance suckling his come from him as if he were a tasty mollusc. That _hadn’t_ been part of the plan, but he could hardly regret it as Howard cried out and filled him once again.

Raj was so full of his come it was dripping from his very satisfied body, but Howard was lost to their wild mating and continued to pull him against his body. Raj decided to tease him a bit and writhed out of his arms, escaping with a flick of his tail and a stream of semen fleeing his body. Howard snarled wildly and chased after him, but Raj was the one to tackle him and press him to the seabed. He pressed his entrance down on Howard again, pinning his arms against the soft sand as silt flew up around them in excited swirls. Howard’s hair was wild, his eyes glazed with lust. He whimpered demurely and turned his head to offer his neck. Raj leaned down and bit his neck _hard_ , determined to mark his mate as his enough so his next lover would blush at the knowledge they were bedding down with a taken mer.

Howard’s cock resisted re-entering Raj now that the anemone fishes entrance was tightening up in an attempt to keep his semen from washing out. He pushed down and Howard moaned at the tight clench as he pressed inside.

“So tight! Raj!” Howard cried out, thrashing as Raj moaned against his abused flesh. Howard suddenly made it past the first ring of muscle and into Raj’s body. They udulated together, hands turning tender as they petted each other lovingly.

“Raj, Raj, Raj,” Howard panted, peppering his face with kisses as he bucked up into him.

“Oh, Howard,” Raj moaned, “I’m so close. Give me my pleasure! Now!”

Howard reached down to stroke along his adipose fin, teasing the sensitive flesh on either side of it as he licked at Raj’s neck and nuzzled behind his finned ears. Raj’s soft moans intensified as Howard grasped his lover’s prick and stroked it between their bodies. Pleasure swirled and Raj felt his internal orbs tighten in preparation. His release spread out into the water, slicking up Howard’s body as he pulsed in his hand and across his belly. Howard moaned and Raj tackled his nipples, twisting them just hard enough to mix pain with pleasure.

“Raj!” Howard screamed, pulsing into him again. Raj’s belly swelled, so full with Howard’s fluids that he felt stretched and tense. Howard bucked a few more times and then fell still beneath him.

“Mmm,” Raj purred, “That was _perfect_.”

“Hate to ruin this moment, but I kinda gotta breathe,” Howard grumbled, gently pushing Raj away.

“Oh, okay,” Raj replied, looking up at Howard’s retreating form sadly.

It seemed cruel that the two lovers should have to live on separate sides of the world, Raj amongst the anemone and Howard forever tied to the surface and his precious air. He mused on it while holding a few fingers inside of his entrance to keep Howards precious semen inside of him for as long as possible. It was nearly an hour before he decided Howard wasn’t coming back. Howard’s mother shouted at him as he was leaving, teasing him about grandpups and keeping ‘her Howie’ happy. Raj swam back to his poisonous nest with his fins aching from strenuous sex and sorrowful rejection. He let Howard’s semen sift through the swaying arms of his anemone home, knowing from experience that doing so would grant Howard passage amongst the long tendrils. He hoped enough of it had taken root to give him the family he longed for, especially since he just might have lost their father for good.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N Here there be tentacle porn. You have been warned._

Sheldon had the tentacle packed away for lunch, eager to consume it now that Thursday had rolled around. He sat himself down at their usual lunch boulder and ignored Raj and Howard being awkward around each other. Apparently they’d copulated the night before and it had gone _far_ too well. Leonard was trying to talk them through it in an effort to ignore Sheldon’s rejection of his attempt at mating.

“I can help with any kids you have, guys,” Leonard replied, “Seeing as how I won’t be having any.”

“Why not?” Howard grumbled, “ _You’re_ the one who started this mating frenzy.”

“Sheldon would apparently prefer to _eat_ my hectocotyli rather than mate with it. I’m considering giving it to him regularly. It’s actually kind of neat not to be horny all the time. I’m pretty much relaxed right now, though I still want kids. So, what do you say? I can be your nanny?”

“He’s going to _eat_ it? Ew,” Raj replied,

“Oh, don’t be such a vegetarian,” Sheldon scolded.

“Listen Sheldon,” Raj insisted, “Because this is coming from someone who has sex with a merslut Howard _a lot-“_

“Hey!” Howard snapped, “That’s _merly_ slut. Not merslut. Merslut sounds so _derogatory_.”

“Yeah,” Leonard piped up, “Derogatory. Like how you treat your partners.”

“Ha ha,” Howard deadpanned.

Raj nudged Howard, “Sheldon, that’s technically Leonard’s _penis_. Do you know where that thing has _been_?”

Sheldon paused with the wriggling organ partway to his sharp-toothed mouth, “Sorry, what?”

“It’s not the same one,” Leonard chuckled, “I replace it when I have a new lover. I got rid of the one I had with Penny. I always rip them off in a fit of pique after a breakup.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Sheldon sighed, “Sadly Koothrappali’s mere thought that this might have been inside of the Second Whore of Omaha-“

“Don’t call Penny that!” Leonard scolded.

“-Has thrown off my appetite. I’ll have to indulge in it for dinner. It’s rather nice that it lasts a month!”

“Yeah,” Leonard replied sadly, “Back to topics that don’t make me want to beach myself… Well guys? Nanny?”

“It would simplify things,” Raj replied, “If I stop working they’ll send me back to my ocean and there’s now way Howard is going to stop, seeing as how he doesn’t want my babies to begin with.”

“It’s not that I don’t _want_ your babies,” Howard fussed, “I’m just not _ready!_ When I am, it will be with you.”

“My biological clock is ticking, Howard! The time is _now!_ ”

“What about daycare?” Howard replied, “Then no one has to stop working.”

“That’s what I was planning before Leonard decided he wanted to put on an apron,” Raj replied.

“That’s what I meant earlier,” Leonard pointed out, “I’m apparently never _going_ to have kids so I’d _like_ to take care of yours.”

“I’m okay with that,” Raj nodded, “He’s got enough arms for it, but Leonard do you realize that we might _both_ be pregnant? That’s a _lot_ of kids! We’re talking about our own _school_ here.”

“Not me,” Howard laughed, “First thing this morning I made _sure_ I won’t be spawning!”

Raj looked away in misery but only Leonard seemed to catch it. He gave him a sympathetic look and nudged his hand where it sat on the edge of the rock.

“Don’t worry, you’ve still got a great chance at having kids, and a lot of them, too! I’ll help you when this berk backs out. I’ve got a PHD in physics,” Leonard scoffed, “How hard could parenting be?”

“Those words really should be followed by some doom and gloom music,” Sheldon huffed in amusement. Howard agreed, but Raj and Leonard both gave them disgusted looks.

“We’re idiots,” Leonard sighed, meeting Raj’s eyes across the table, “I mean, for geniuses we have really shitty taste in men.”

Raj poked at his kelp, “Yeah, tell me about it.”

“Listen, Raj, I have a new idea,” Leonard stated, “Let’s make a deal. If neither you nor Howard are pregnant then you and I _both_ give up on our non-responsive partners.”

“I’m not your partner,” Sheldon pointed out, “I’m superior to you in all ways and have no intimate relationship with you to use that term in a more modern way.”

“And do what?” Raj asked miserably, both of them ignoring Sheldon, “I _love_ him!”

“I love Sheldon too,” Leonard replied miserably, “But they’re no good for us.”

“We’re right here, you know?” Howard stammered, glancing between them anxiously. He didn’t want to _lose_ Raj, just keep him at bay until mating season was over!

“You _love_ me?” Sheldon asked in surprise, “I thought this was simply a biological imperative?”

Leonard stood up, staring at his tray as he avoided Sheldon’s eyes, “Raj, can I talk to you in private? I have an idea that might help us both out.”

“Okay, sure,” Raj nodded, “It’s not like I have anything to lose.”

Raj swam after Leonard as he manoeuvred along the ocean bed, the two of them wandering to a deserted area to discuss their mutual problems.

Sheldon turned to Howard in confusion, “He _loves_ me? That’s completely irrational! I’m annoying, bossy, so much smarter than him it makes him angry…”

“Yeah, yeah, all true,” Howard interrupted anxiously, “But you do know what they’re about to discuss, don’t you?”

“I assume moving on from us given their previous conversation,” Sheldon replied, “But that’s hardly going to harm _us_. They’ll still be our friends and you have _numerous_ sexual partners besides Koothrappali.”

“Not just moving on _emotionally_ , you iceburg! They’re going to discuss moving on from us _with each other!_ And I’m willing to bet they won’t be hanging out with us either!”

“Why not?” Sheldon asked, ignoring the insult, “And what brings you to that conclusion? It seems a bit farfetched to me.”

“Oh, come on. They’re both broken hearted over us, they want what we won’t give them, and they’re swimming off to discuss _not_ being with us anymore! Of _course_ they’re going to go with each other! And, while I doubt you _could_ fathom the agony of heartbreak, _I can_. Trust me when I tell you being chummy afterwards is so rare as to be an anomaly!”

“So Leonard and Penny being friends after breaking up is unusual?”

“The only reason _that_ worked out was because both of them moved on to other people before they were really broken up. Penny is with Bernadette and Leonard realized he had a thing for you.”

“Yet you’re still friends with Bernadette, so the idea that this is an anomaly…”

“I’m not _friends_ with her, we’re lovers,” Howard corrected, “It’s completely different.”

“How so?”

“Berny and I only meet up for sex,” Howard shrugged, “We have literally nothing in common other than annoying mothers. We kvetch about them and then go at it like dolphins. Then she goes home to Penny, who is unbelievably grateful that I’m helping her manage her dolphin girlfriend’s gigantic sex drive.”

“So you aren’t friendly?”

“Well, yeah, but imagine if you only saw Leonard on the stingray?”

“Why would I only-“

“Just,” Howard took a deep breath to calm himself down, “Trust me on this. If Leonard and Raj go have babies together we won’t be friends with them anymore.”

“Until you provide evidence to support your far fetched hypothesis, I will reserve my concern for a more important issue. For instance the next time slot at the computer lab.”

As he finished his statement he swished his tail upward and turned to find Raj and Leonard were sitting at a different mossy rock, their heads together in deep discussion. As they watched Leonard reached out and caught Raj’s hand with one of his own, a tentacle stretching forward to stroke his cheek. Sheldon froze in surprise, and then looked over to Howard and the worried look on his face.

“Now what?” Sheldon asked.

“No idea,” Howard replied, “I’m good at getting them, not keeping them.”

“Drat.”

“You’re not even good at _getting_ them.”

“I’m a genius,” Sheldon stated firmly, “I’ll think of something.”

XXX

Sheldon’s dreams turned on him that night, showing him a Leonard-less life in which other predators invaded his reef and he spent valuable research time having to chase them off. The reputation of two predators was so much more potent than that of just one. He’d never keep such a prime spot on his own! Then Spock showed up and reminded him that he had needed his Captain much as Sheldon needed Leonard. He was just about to explain _why_ when a salt-sucker alien grabbed Sheldon and started slurping on his body. Sheldon jerked awake and stared in surprise at the sight of one of Leonard’s tentacles squirming up his arm. It was his hectocotyli. It had managed to escape the seaflower box and was trying to get to its intended mate.

“Well, aren’t _you_ fresh!” Sheldon replied, grasping it and pulling it towards his sharp teeth. He stopped then, considering what Howard had said.

Chances were that Howard or Raj were pregnant, so the two of them would go with their first plan, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t combine it with their second. It would probably be very upsetting to raise their children alone, why not combine resources and territory? Sheldon would be without his captain!

Or…

Sheldon glanced towards Leonard’s nook. He was sleeping soundly from the sound of his soft snores. Sheldon shifted about awkwardly while the tentacle continued to try to molest him. It managed to get near his claspers and rubbed him suggestively. Sheldon gasped in surprise, his tail jolting as pleasure shot through him. It was Thursday. He normally masturbated Thursdays and had already done so, but the urge to mate was intense this time of year and here he was smelling all the pheromones coming off of the cotyl…

“Well,” Sheldon nodded to the squirming phallus, “He _did_ say he’d raise them all by himself _and_ take me on the stingray if I agreed. I suppose if they’re mine they can stay here. Leonard is a bit dim, but not as stupid as most. Not to mention he tolerates me better than most.”

Sheldon swam to the little groove in the reef that he preferred to do ‘private’ things in. He pressed himself into the groove, his strong first dorsal fin and his shapely second sliding into familiar crevices that allowed him to lie back. He would continue to sway his tail but the cracks would keep him in place. He pressed the tentacle down onto his belly, wondering if it would find its way on its own. Sure enough it wriggled about and then wrapped around his ventral fin. Sheldon gasped as it snaked its way down his tail, looping around each of his claspers and then continuing downwards. As it slid down, inching it’s muscular way along, it slowly unwound from his twin phalluses, dragging along them until both claspers were swollen and leaking with desire. He watched as both phalluses swivelled upwards to point towards his face, which only increased the drag as the tentacle worked its way down.

Sheldon gasped as they moved lower, wrapping around his anal fin before prodding at his damp entrance.

“Oh! Oh my!” Sheldon gasped, feeling the pointed tip start to press into him.

Sheldon had never bothered with penetration before now. Not only was it unsanitary, but outside of mating season he didn’t even have the _urge_ to be breached. Now he found himself panting as a pointed tip pushed into him, wriggled a bit, and then forced its way past his anxiously clenching muscle. Sheldon gasped, head thrown back as his coital fin wriggled at the burn, but the tentacle wasn’t done. It worked its way so deep into him that it was only wrapped around his anal fin. He sorely missed the tight grip on his claspers, but he had no problem reaching down to take them both in hand and stroke them eagerly as the writhing member inside of him began to twist and plunge, using his anal fin as leverage to plunder his body.

Sheldon couldn’t control his volume. He was soon crying out in shock and pleasure as the thrashing organ in his body stimulated his p-spot. How intense would this be with Leonard’s other tentacles stroking him the way the cotyl had in the beginning? The mere thought of those flexible, strong arms wringing pleasure from him had Sheldon close to orgasm.

Unfortunately, the cotyl only contained a _part_ of Leonard’s brain, and apparently none of the part that was considerate towards his lovers. Sheldon was hovering on the edge of a truly mind-blowing orgasm when the hectocotyli finally had enough friction in place to trigger the sperm sacks to burst. Sheldon let out a disappointed groan as the water around him was flooded with excess seed and then the tentacle went completely limp. He tried to manipulate it, hoping to bring himself off, but it had served its purpose and was through being mobile. It was as limp as a dead eel. Frustrated and disgusted with his level of ardour, Sheldon pulled it free, brought it to his mouth, and tore into it before he could recall where it had just been. It was devoured before he could think twice. Angry with himself for his thoughtless action, he turned and swam to his favourite rock where he ground his sharp teeth to clean them.

He returned to his sleeping pattern, but slumber eluded him as he swam circles around his reef. By morning his claspers were no longer swollen, but it wasn’t for having chased his release. He’d left it to dwindle, ashamed and angry with himself for giving in to Leonard’s demands. He could only blame the urges of the season… and Leonard. Leonard who woke up and shyly peaked in the half-open box on the seabed.

“Did you…?”

“It was delicious, thank you,” Sheldon snapped.

“Oh,” Leonard deflated, his tentacles wrapping around him tightly as he settled into the sand with a lost look on his face, “I guess I thought… I hoped… Never mind. It was a stupid idea, me having a family. I’m better off alone.”

“Now you figure that out!” Sheldon threw his arms up in defeat.

“I had such a beautiful dream last night,” Leonard continued, his anxious limbs uselessly tearing at the box in lieu of something productive to do, “I dreamt you were moaning and crying out my name.”

“Could you discuss this with someone else? It’s bordering on sexual harassment! I’ve half a mind to visit HR again!”

“Just forget I said anything!” Leonard shouted, throwing up his arms and swimming quickly away in disgust.


	4. Chapter 4

“Howard?” Sheldon swam up to him hurriedly.

“Whoa!” Howard jumped, “Don’t startle me this early in the morning! I nearly let my air go!”

“You and your precious air!” Sheldon snapped, “I need to know what you did about potentially being pregnant?”

“I took a pill, obviously, but I can’t just _give_ one to Raj. He’s got his heart set on having my pups!”

“Where does one get this ‘pill’ and what does it do?” Sheldon asked worriedly.

“The pharmacist, duh. Wait, why? Did you get freaky with Leonard’s detached schlong?!” Howard asked, face lighting up and cock showing interest.

“Don’t be disgusting!” Sheldon snapped, “It… it… it snuck up on me while I was sleeping!”

“What?” Howard asked, confused by Sheldon’s lie.

“It snuck up on me and was done before I woke up. No wonder Penny moved on to women,” Sheldon lied.

“Let me get this straight,” Howard asked, fighting to keep a worried look on his face when he was clearly aroused and amused, “You got _tentacle raped_ last night?”

“Y-yes?” Sheldon stated more as a question.

“Oh my gosh that’s hot! I mean, awful! Are you okay?” Howard forced his face into concern again, but his voice turned deep with arousal, “Why don’t you tell me all about it?”

“I’m fine,” Sheldon replied, “Aside from the possible pregnancy. Now. What’s the pill called and who do I get a prescription from?”

“You don’t need a… look, let’s just go together. I want to stock up since Raj might seduce me again.”

“Really, you can’t contain yourself for _one month_ of mating system?” Sheldon scolded.

“Hey, at least I didn’t get rodgered by a disembodied penis with only enough brain cells to ejaculate!”

Sheldon paused a moment and then nodded, “Point taken.”

“What, really?” Howard asked in surprise, “Because I was expecting you to fight that one.”

“I meant the bit about the brain cells. Highly disappointing, really.”

“Figures,” Howard sighed.

XXX

Sheldon couldn’t take the pill. He had met up with Koothrapali and Leonard at lunch and they’d asked him the most horrible question.

“You want what?”

“Your permission to have an overnight guest,” Leonard replied, “I know Raj doesn’t normally count per the reefmate agreement since he’s a mutual friend, but I thought I’d let you know since I’m going to have him over for a few nights in a row.”

“What for?” Sheldon asked, “He already spends too much time at our reef. MY REEF! MINE!”

“Yes, I know it’s your reef, and I promise once we determine if a relationship is possible we’ll find our own, but for now we’re trying to figure out if it could work between us.”

“What work? Why would anything work between you two? You’re in love with other people!” Sheldon squealed hysterically.

“I knew it,” Howard sighed, “Goodbye sexy, flickering tricoloured tail.”

“It’s not like that,” Raj sighed, “We’re both still open for outside sexual conquests.”

“We’re planning on raising a family together,” Leonard replied, “Either Howard’s pups or Raj has said he’s willing to carry mine when my hectocotyli grows back.”

“Not fair!” Sheldon panicked, “You promised to feed it to me!”

“You can have it when I’m done with it,” Raj taunted with a smirk.

“Don’t be disgusting!” Sheldon gasped, his face flushing in memory as his claspers twitched with arousal.

“Look, is it okay or not?” Leonard sighed.

“No! No it is not! You’re never leaving, Leonard! Not ever!”

“Why not?” Leonard grumbled at his dinner, snatching it up with one _very_ talented tentacle as it attempted to escape, “It’s not like you-“

“Because I’m pregnant!” Sheldon screamed, drawing the attention of the entire cafeteria.

“With… whose?” Raj asked, “Leonard said you ate his…”

“Not before I impregnated the heck out of myself with it!” Sheldon announced, swishing his tail proudly, “So there! You can’t leave me! Ever! You’re _my_ captain and I’m going to sail the stars with you forever whether you like it or not!”

Leonard was gaping at him and still hadn’t recovered as Sheldon swam off in a tiff.

“He can’t possibly know already… can he?” Leonard asked hopefully.

“No, but it’s pretty likely this time of year,” Raj pointed out, “That’s why we’re planning it as if I’m already knocked up.”

“True,” Leonard replied, “If he could lie I’d be worried, but you know Sheldon. If he says he did it… wow! I’m gonna be dad!”

“And _yours_ wants you,” Raj tossed his food aside and Howard’s lunch snatched it up and devoured it before he could finish swimming away.

“Here we go,” Howard sighed, “Raj theatrics ahoy.”

“Raj, wait,” Leonard swam after him hurriedly, pushing off with his tentacles at every rock he managed to grasp and then swirling them until he caught up with the distraught anemone fish, “Listen, hang on a second. I’m not turning my back on you now!”

Raj turned on a dime and buried his face in Leonard’s shoulder, “I’m so alone and I’m not even sure having children will make me feel less so!”

“I know the feeling,” Leonard sighed, hugging him tightly with several arms to give him the comfort he needed, “Look, just because Sheldon wants me around to ride the stingray with him doesn’t mean he’s prepared to love me and help raise our family. I’ll talk to him tonight. Come over like we planned, okay?”

“Okay,” Raj sniffled, “I bet these are the pregnancy hormones kicking in.”

“Yeah,” Leonard nodded, “Cause you never cry randomly on a normal basis.”

“Shut up before I go prego rage on you,” Raj stated seriously.

XXX

“What’s _he_ doing here?!” Sheldon raged.

“I told you we’re considering a relationship,” Leonard sighed, “Just think of him as the new Penny, okay?”

“I’m surprisingly okay with that,” Raj nodded in consideration, “As long as I can still talk around myself without drinking, that is. No liquor with the little ones growing inside me… hopefully…”

Raj whimpered and Leonard slipped an arm around him, “Look, you won’t even know we’re here, okay?”

“He won’t fit in your nook with you,” Sheldon replied with narrowed eyes.

“Neither did Penny,” Leonard reminded, “We’ll stay in the little cave. You never use it anyway.”

“I might,” Sheldon replied, “I like to masturbate there.”

“It’s not Thursday,” Leonard reminded, “And he’ll be gone by next Thursday. Either this will work and we’ll go find a place together or…”

“No! No! You said you’d stay! I’m having your babies!”

“I never said anything of the sort,” Leonard reminded, “And while I will _happily_ help you through the pregnancy you can’t expect me to stay in a loveless relationship with you when you constantly reject me! Look, Raj needs me right now. He’s going through a tough time…”

“So am I! My reefmate is about to shack up with someone else after getting me in a family way!”

“I’ll take the kids with me! You don’t even want them!” Leonard replied in frustration.

“Of course I do!”

“You do?” Leonard asked, arms slipping away from Raj.

There was a long moment of awkward silence and then Raj let out a sob and swam away. This time Leonard didn’t follow.

XXX

Raj settled into his anemone, swimming around it and letting the cool fronds stroke him comfortingly. Sometimes he’d pretend they were Howard’s arms, but last night he’d pretended they were Leonard’s tentacles and the realism was far more intense. Now he was having to push it away and focus on _no one_ , because it turned out he couldn’t have anyone.

_Except my kids. I’ll have my little Howard-pups._

Raj sighed miserably and rang up Howard. He needed to talk to him, even if he wasn’t on board with the baby-making thing.

“Hey, Howard,” Raj sighed.

“Talking to me now?” Howard asked.

“I just need a friend right now. No baby pressure, okay?”

“Fine, I’m at the comic book store.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

XXX

“Sheldon, what is this?” Leonard asked, “You were so against mating with me you mocked it and _ate my penis_ , now you want to raise babies with me?”

“I had a dream, Leonard.”

“Oh no, was Spock in it again?”

“Yes.”

“The little one, or the big one?”

Sheldon shook his head in annoyance, “The big one, of course. The little one was only that one time.”

“Thank goodness,” Leonard nodded, “That guy was a real asshole. So what wisdom did he impart this time?”

“That if I didn’t meet your unsettling expectations I’d lose the Kirk to my Spock.”

“I’m your Kirk?” Leonard asked, unaccountably flattered.

“Well,” Sheldon considered, “You are the one who brings friends here to rally around my genius so that’s _sort of_ like a captaincy. At the very least you’re the president of my fan club.”

“That’s pathetically accurate,” Leonard sighed.

“Some would say having a fanclub for the smartest mer alive made you smart by proxy,” Sheldon tried.

“Did you just compliment me… in Sheldonian?” Leonard wondered.

“Yes,” Sheldon nodded, “I’m rather proud of it.”

“You should be,” Leonard grinned.

“So this whole… relationship thing. It’s over with, right?”

“I don’t know, Sheldon,” Leonard sighed, “Where does this put us? Am I _ever_ going to have more than a friendship with you… or whatever this is?”

“We just agreed it’s a fanclub.”

“Fine, fanclub. What of it? What’s next for the Sheldateers?”

“I prefer Cooperteers. Its easier to pronounce.”

“Oh yeah,” Leonard thought a moment, “That is better. Wait. No. Sheldon! Topic at hand! What about _us?_ ”

“I don’t know,” Sheldon replied, “I’m uncomfortable with relationships. My attempts with Amy Farah-Fowler were horrendous.”

“Yeah,” Leonard nodded sadly, “I still can’t believe she chose the Mars Settlement over staying your girlfriend.”

“I still can’t believe you made such a big deal about a few dozen catfish,” Sheldon replied.

“Yeah, well now _I’m_ making a big deal about the occupants of the reef again, and it’s about our _kids_. Now I grew up in a loveless family, I don’t want my kids to have the same.”

“You’re aware that your attraction to me is in part…”

“Skip chapters three through twelve of _Needy Baby, Greedy Baby_ please,” Leonard sighed, “I know my mother was expecting this all along and why, okay? Regardless of the psychology, I _do_ love you. Can you ever love me back?”

“I don’t know,” Sheldon replied honestly.

Leonard sighed and turned to chase after Raj, but Sheldon surged forward and snatched at his arm.

“I don’t want you to go.”

“Raj needs me and you don’t.”

“I _do_ need you. I’m having your children and I need you _daily_ to function, Leonard.”

“That’s a different, and frankly _very_ neurotic, type of need.”

“I don’t like it when you’re not here,” Sheldon replied, “Is that love?”

Leonard paused and took in Sheldon’s lost look.

“Yeah,” He replied, “I think it is. I don’t like being away from you either.”

“Then stay? I’ll have as many babies as you want and treat them better than your mother treated you.”

“You’d do that?”

“As much as it shames me, yes,” Sheldon looked away anxiously, having passed his tolerance for eye contact some time ago.

“Can I kiss you? Or at least hold you for a bit?”

“Yes.”

“To which?”

Sheldon thought a moment, “Both.”

XXX

Raj swam into the comic book shop, a ring of rocks outlining the stores territory. Stuart, the merman who owned and lived in the territory, greeted him with a small smile and a nod. Raj was having trouble being comfortable with the situation despite the comforting surroundings. He flitted up to Howard and started looking through the rack beside him, trying to enjoy the companionable silence. Except it wasn’t companionable. It was awkward. Finally he drifted away and ended up beside Stuart at the counter.

“Hi,” Stuart smiled.

“Hi,” Raj sighed.

“Something bothering you?”

“I’ve destroyed every positive relationship I have outside of the Indian Ocean,” Raj replied, “Now I’m thinking of going home to my parents to have my unwanted babies, but if I raise them there they’ll face extreme prejudice due to their mixed race.”

“Wow,” Stuart replied, “That sucks.”

“Yeah.”

“Who’s the merdaddy? If I may ask.”

“Howard.”

“Oh, awkward,” Stuart nodded, “Even _I’ve_ been with him, and no one has sex with me.”

“Oh, I’m fine with the plural relationship,” Raj replied, “I just wanted to have his beautiful babies so I wasn’t alone while he was off shoving his assorted parts in other merbeings.”

“That’s open minded of you,” Stuart nodded, “So what’s the problem, then?”

“He didn’t want to get me up the duff,” Raj sighed, “I seduced him and now things are awkward. Then I tried to make it work out with Leonard because he was being rejected by Sheldon, but then Sheldon realized how lucky he was to have Leonard but…”

Raj drifted off and Stuart nodded understandingly, “But Howard still hasn’t realized how lucky _he_ is to have you.”

“Exactly,” Raj nodded, with another sigh.

“You know, I’d give anything to be either of you? I have no one, no expectation of ever having anyone, and lately we haven’t been hanging out as much as we did while Howard was on land.”

“We had fun, didn’t we?” Raj wondered with a soft smile.

“Yeah, good times,” Stuart sighed sadly.

“I just want my usual casual sex and mocking friendship life back,” Raj sighed.

“Well…” Stuart smiled sadly, “If you want to use me to alleviate your sadness until he comes to his senses again… well, I’m still okay with being your pseudo Howard.”

“Somehow I think you’d be less likely to enjoy my company when I’m not going out trying to pick merpeople up.”

“I’d be fine with that,” Stuart replied, “I never actually got any, you know.”

“True,” Raj nodded, “Me neither. Howard’s approachable, you know? Most people just aren’t.”

“Yeah, I know,” Stuart sighed, “That’s why I opened a comic book store. I thought it would bring people to me, but I’m going broke and no one talks to me unless they think something isn’t right in their lives and they’ve yet to have it worse than me.”

Raj frowned, “Wow, that sucks.”

“Yeah, but it’s okay. I like it when people acknowledge I exist so I’d love it if you’d just keep talking until I burst into tears and make you uncomfortable.”

“Actually,” Raj considered a moment, “Would you like to go back to my place for a bit? I have an area where the anemone won’t sting you to death now.”

“What? Really? But Howard’s right over there.”

“Yeah, let me talk to him, he might want to tag along but probably not.”

“Sure.”

Raj swam back over to Howard, “Listen, I’m going to head home with Stuart. You cool with that?”

“Sure,” Howard nodded, “Have fun.”

“You want to tag along?”

“Not really,” Howard replied, “Want to take a morning after pill?”

“Nope.”

“Okay, bye.”

Raj and Stuart left together with Stuart nearly bursting with excitement over the chance to spend time with someone. They headed back to Raj’s place and curled up together to watch a movie.

_A/N So that was kind of an unexpected turn… I’ve updated the tags in case you didn’t notice._

 

CHAPTER 5

Sheldon swam down to the rocks that Leonard favoured and settled into the spot he frequented. Leonard crawled along, gripping his favourite sections of coral. Sheldon knew he preferred specific textures, textures that were readily available in Sheldon’s section of the coral reef. Textures that Sheldon had on his body. He gently took the nearest arm and bought it closer to him, guiding it to the area where fantastic tail became mortal flesh.

“Oh,” Leonard sighed, “You are _so_ gorgeous.”

Sheldon looked away. He couldn’t take eyes on him like that. He wasn’t even sure he could handle touch, but Leonard’s movements were soft, gentle, soothing. He stroked Sheldon’s hip and then down the side of his tail. When Sheldon relaxed back Leonard moved another arm into play. Sheldon felt his claspers beginning to swell and arched wantonly. Leonard was silent as he stroked along Sheldon’s body, leaning forward to press their lips together once he’d climbed on top of Sheldon’s body by gripping the rocks above his head. Sheldon’s body began to rock in longing, hips pistonning up as his anal fin was gently prodded.

“Oh, y-yes,” Sheldon keened.

“Is that a green light?”

“Like the Green Lantern’s ring _glaring_ in your eyes!”

A soft teasing at his entrance, at the same time two tentacles slipped around each of his claspers and began to stroke him firmly. Sherlock let out sharp cries and writhed in pleasure grasping at Leonard’s arms and pulling him tightly against himself. Leonard let his weight settle, knowing that while Sheldon feared contact he enjoyed heavy weight being on top of him- likely a product of his autism. Sheldon whimpered and writhed in longing and Leonard slid his arm in deeper. Sheldon convulsed beneath him, but it was from his usually jerky movements rather than a medical malady. Leonard kissed him again and his mouth fell open this time, allowing Leonard to slip a tongue in.

That was apparently Sheldon’s limit because he shoved Leonard away from himself, nearly hurting himself in the process, while sputtering in disgust.

“What is _wrong_ with you?!”

“Sorry, did you want me to gargle or…?”

“I want you to keep your germ-riddled mouth to yourself!” Sheldon howled, then fled to his rock to clean his teeth.

XXX

Raj and Stuart were happily picking out pebbles for the nursery. Or rather, Raj was picking them out and Stuart was happily hanging off of him. Every once in a while Howard swam by, but he was mostly avoiding Raj. Mating season would be over in a couple of weeks, but in the mean time Raj and Stuart were both still horny as hell. Stuart was all well and good, but Raj wanted Howard as well and frankly so did Stuart. They got together to flirt with him, flickering their tails and showing off their dorsal fins until he couldn’t contain himself. Then Raj took his long phallus fast and hard while Stuart plundered Howard’s wet hole. Stuart wore protection to avoid Howard becoming pregnant, but Howard _never_ wore it and couldn’t contain himself at the idea of having them both. He moaned and fucked as if it were his last chance. Raj came screaming his name and Stuart called out for Raj. Howard just groaned in relief and floated in their arms for a moment. When he finally came to it was time for the talk they’d all been avoiding for days.

“So you two are really doing this? Raising my pups?” Howard asked.

“That’s the idea,” Stuart replied nervously. He didn’t want to lose Raj now that he had a chance with him, even if that chance meant raising someone else’s little pod.

“That’s… kind of cool,” Howard admitted.

“It is?” Raj asked.

“Can I come over and play with them sometimes?” Howard wondered, “Maybe catch a bit of tail after they’re all tucked into their anemone?”

“I’m good with that,” Raj smiled, running his hands through Howard’s hair.

“Me too,” Stuart replied cautiously, not sure if his input mattered.

“Stuart is going to be a fantastic dad!” Raj crowed, “I can’t believe I get to have my best friend’s babies and raise them with my other friend! And! And! When Sheldon has Leonard’s babies, we’ll do _playdates!_ I’ve always wanted to do playdates! They’re like real dates, but the only way you can ruin them is if someone bites someone else.”

“So the opposite of real dates,” Howard teased.

Stuart snickered while Raj smirked and nodded appreciatively. When they went their separate ways- Raj and Howard back to work and Stuart back to his shop- it was with a light heart and even lighter sperm sacks.

XXX

Sheldon couldn’t resist Leonard’s pull for long. He avoided him out of disgust for his kissing, but eventually the idea of those tentacles touching him everywhere during the most agonizing part of mating season won out. He was swimming around their workplace, frustrated over the lack of resolution on an equation, when he passed Leonard working on the centrifuge. He stared at him for a while. Leonard finished up his work and pulled himself down the pathway to the defecation area. Sheldon waited outside of it, frustrated and growing angrier by the second. Leonard left and headed back for his office with Sheldon stalking after him. A coworker who was too stupid to receive the validation of a name stared at him in horror and fled. He probably looked as if he was hunting but it wasn’t blood he had a lust for.

Leonard pulled himself into his office, surrounded by mostly volcanic rock, and Sheldon flew at him with three strokes of his powerful tail. His claspers were swollen with desire and his urge had long ago overwhelmed him. He let out a savage snarl, barely registering the look of fear that flashed over Leonard’s face. He charged the mertopus and pinned him to the nearest rock. This _would_ be the part where he tore into flesh and savaged his pray, but instead he turned Leonard and pinned his flexible, soft body against the sand below. Leonard cried out in surprise as Sheldon’s hands roved along his body until the found the small hood that covered his rectum. Sheldon’s claspers began to press beneath it and Leonard gasped in surprise, forcing his body to relax and accept the intrusion.


End file.
